


The Feeling Was Friendship

by singingtomysoul



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-20 21:49:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/892281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singingtomysoul/pseuds/singingtomysoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael explains to GOB that his confusing feelings for Tony Wonder are just friendship, misinterpreted.</p><p>GOB and Tony continue on with this in mind. But it's all more complicated than that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Feeling Was Friendship

"I may have made a huge mistake."

He knows it's all in his head, but the air feels heavy and dense. His stomach is all twisted up with nerves. The words hang there for a moment before Michael asks, "'May have'?"

"I'm not actually sure."

Tony Wonder is his dirty little secret. He hears the phone ring what feels like half a dozen times after Cinco, and the attention is flattering, the weird longing to see him is like a dull ache. But every time 'Getaway' flares up on his ringtone it feels like instructions. GOB isn't really sure who he is anymore.

"You always know when you've made the mistake," Michael says, slow and puzzled like he's explaining it to him. "That's why it's a mistake."

"I think I'm in love," GOB says, and he tells him about Color-Me-Mine. He tells Michael about red wine and popcorn, about someone who understands him so well they told the same lies. He doesn't tell Michael about the sex. He isn't sure what to even think about the sex.

"I should have realized you were so lonely," Michael says, and his guilty tone only adds to GOB's confused haze.

He isn't sure if he can believe what Michael tells him. How there are people who are just _like_ that, who know you, who meet you halfway. There are people you can race shopping carts with at 3 AM, who won't be annoyed by you the next morning, who don't need to make your heart jump every time they call. 

Michael says that someone can like you enough that they don't just pretend to listen to your half of the conversation, and you don't have to kiss or touch. You don't have to worry about waking up one morning and they're suddenly on the other side of the bed, all expecting things from you. They can just be there, and that's okay.

For the first time in weeks, he doesn't feel like he's missed a step while descending a staircase. He knows what these feelings are because he hopes for them all the time. There are words for them.

"The first thing friends are is honest with each other," Michael says.

\---

Tony Wonder is his test of courage, because GOB's problems get blinded by lighter fluid, they get swallowed down until his brain gets hazy. GOB's problems are exposed in five-act demonstrations of failure or, at their best, in a purge of emotions to his younger brother when the stakes have gotten too high. 

They aren't a quiet confession over drinks to someone who you hope will stick around, but who isn't stuck with you. Who can leave at any time and won't always come running back, because they don't actually need you.

There is so much hard, naked relief when "you set me up" receives an echo of " _you_ set _me_ up," and then they're both crowing "Same!" and GOB knows it's okay. Or at least okay enough, because there's all those _things_ GOB told Tony when he was pretending to woo him, opening himself up piece by piece. 

(There's the way they stared at each other with masks in hand, terrified. And then Tony leaned in to kiss him anyway and GOB let him. Because the thought of leaving that bed was so much worse than his fear of what was about to happen in it.)

"Anyway, so I think we're friends or something. I don't know. We've only touched each other naked on accident, but I like you - that's friends, I guess."

"Want to hang out?" Tony asks. "Friends hang out, right?" And GOB's already given him George Michael's phone number - would have weeks ago if he'd just asked - so he knows it's for real. He pours them both a drink and they sit and talk again, their thoughts all floaty and buzzing, and maybe that's the Scotch but maybe it's just how new it all is.

GOB challenges himself to tell no lies, to have no escape route. Telling the truth, for once, feels better than walking away. Friends are honest with each other, Michael says.

He feels pulled open, naked, like maybe someone could know who he really is. Like maybe, for once, that wouldn't be so bad.

Friendship feels a lot like a second date, he decides.

\---

Tony Wonder is his best friend. 

They go everywhere together. GOB is chatting about honey production as he pumps smoke into one of his new hives, and Tony's next to him, nodding like he actually cares. Tony drags him to terrible community theatre, which he swears is just for research - "And can we pretend you're my boyfriend? That's not weird, right?" 

GOB says they're all awful, but he never tries to get out of going, and denies it when Buster catches him humming Pirates of Penzance. He does take Tony to a Blue Man Group production once as revenge. They both agree it's the worst of all of them, and make fun of it the whole way home.

They tear around in a stolen entourage limo, finding clubs and magic shows in equal number. They heckle the worst magicians and take notes from the best, giddily trying to figure out how the tricks are done, never once admitting they don't actually know. 

Tony can't really pick girls up without being noticed, so he's GOB's wingman - in theory. They always get bored quickly, maybe because they're getting too old for it, or maybe because to keep Tony's cover they always have to dance closer to each other than to any girl in the place. 

They never touch, friends don't touch like that. If it accidentally happens, they pull away as fast as they can because it can't get weird. Weird could ruin everything. But the laughter and the rhythm of the music, the way they talk all the way home, maybe that feels even better than sex.

GOB tried to go out once by himself, but all he could think was 'Tony would have gotten that joke,' 'Tony would have listened to me tell that story,' 'Tony would-' and then it was too much. It's not, he decides, because he's gay for Tony, he is absolutely _not_ gay for Tony, they never even bump legs. They never even brush hands.

It's just that he's forgotten how to do it, forgotten how to play a game he isn't playing anymore, because once you're open then a piece of you stays that way. And he isn't ready for that with some stranger. It wouldn't make sense, with some girl, the way it makes sense with...

It just wouldn't.

\---

Tony Wonder is -

Tony is - 

Tony is touching him.

Not in a weird way. Not the way they touched that night, in a flurry of 'do you want to's and 'I've always kind of thought about's, where there was always too much fear to be totally comfortable and too much need to even think about stopping. 

Tony's hand is on his wrist, and it's gentle, and it's confident. He's standing behind GOB, feet planted, slowly guiding his movements. 

"You've got the lighter fluid in this little bag here, right?" He brushes the spot gingerly with his fingers. "Your movements are too jerky. They're hitting the wrong marks, so the trigger's not going when it needs to and then spraying as soon as you start flailing around everywhere."

"Yes, genius, thank you. I could have told you that."

"Shut up," Tony says affectionately.

GOB would joke about their positions, about gay porn or about Tony being little or something, but it doesn't feel right, because there's nothing better than when Tony is showing off an illusion. Deep down, GOB knows he's not that good. Tony is good. Tony has worked his whole life to be good, so he's sharp and precise, and he's _patient,_ and GOB is jealous. GOB's always been jealous, always looked at Tony's picture and felt something sparking inside him. But he's other things now, too, things like 'satisfied' and 'proud' - things he feels for Tony, and not for himself.

"See, move it just a few inches lower," Tony is saying, and he adjusts, shifting his weight as he does. His hip bumps against GOB's, and GOB feels something sparking again, slow and warm. 

"And then keep your movements smooth. Everything should be deliberate." Tony's fingers are on his fingers. He moves them in careful patterns, and GOB knows he should be paying attention, but it's getting hard to figure out what his hands are doing when everything's getting so warm and hazy.

"You trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson?" GOB snarks, because that's what friends do, friends make it a joke. Friends stop things before they start, before they feel too good -

"Shut up," Tony says again, gentle. He moves GOB's hands again. "Remember, misdirection. First rule, right? It's all got a dual purpose, so while they're watching you, you're keeping track of exactly what the next step is. It's like a dance."

"Uh-huh." It's starting to work, though, it really is. He's remembering all the books he's read and never really absorbed, each step clicking into place. Tony keeps talking, pressed against him, focused and sure. Tony's hands in his hands. Hip against his hip. Never doubting he can do it, knowing he can be better. _Is_ better.

Misdirection. Staring at one thing while another is happening. Where had he been looking-?

The lighter fluid releases into the air, and GOB hits the trigger at the right time. It ignites in a perfect arc, the flames turning the warm air even hotter. Nothing singes or ignites by mistake. Nothing releases too soon or too late. It's perfect, finally, for once.

"You did it."

"I didn't do anything," GOB insists.

" _You did it,_ " Tony says, firmly, and GOB is so aware of him, still pressed close. Hands on his hands. Hip against his hip.

Mouth against his-

Tony Wonder is kissing him, and he isn't sure when he turned around or when he decided to kiss back, or who he is, what they are. He isn't sure, and his fingers press into Tony's hair, and when they break apart for air they're laughing. Because they can do that now. Because friends are honest with each other.

"You are totally trying to seduce me."

"Nope. Your fault."

He drags GOB down for another kiss, for the unspoken decision that they'll leave being scared for tomorrow.

\---

Tony Wonder is the worst thing that ever happened to him. And the best.

He's like a hangover, GOB decides when he wakes up the next day. Because everything feels great and then it's morning and last night is like a drill boring into your head, all weighty and painful. 

Except a hangover isn't enough, really, because you don't feel like your whole life is Before The Hangover and After The Hangover. You don't sit around wondering how you even lived before the hangover was there, making you feel weird new feelings and turning your whole world different, better.

And if he were just gay, maybe it'd be simpler then. But GOB's been in relationships before, and this is something stronger, something more, like maybe if he never saw Tony again a little part of him would want to curl up and die.

Tony doesn't fit in a box, he doesn't even really fit in a closet, and after years of never really changing - never knowing there was something to even change _to_ \- GOB can't go back to the world Before Tony. And that may be more terrifying than the sex ever was.

\---

"What if you never had sex with anyone, ever again?" Michael asks, when GOB is finished explaining. (He rolls his eyes off GOB's look of horror.) "I mean, what if you were fine with that, you just never wanted to? Who would you want to spend your night with?"

"Don't ask me science fiction questions, Michael."

Michael sighs. "If you could only see one person again, one person for your whole life -"

"You know the answer to that. He's the answer to all of that. _Tell me what's happening,_ " GOB begs.

Michael shuts his eyes, like he's understanding something for the first time. Like he's breathing it in. "He's your best friend."

GOB feels something angry and helpless flare inside him. " _Michael-_ "

"He's your best friend. Like Tracey was mine."

The air feels heavy and dense. GOB is dizzy, trying to understand.

"You only get one," Michael says. "People throw those words around, but really, you get one, and they're the only one that matters."

\---

Misdirection. You look at someone's hands, where they stand, whether you touch. You look everywhere but where magic is happening, because whether you touch isn't what matters, it's never been what matters at all.

They do touch, though - though not right away, not when he hears the exhale of relief that he's even called Tony back. Not when they meet up for lunch, or decide to make a day of it, hitting the Gothic Castle and then the club bar afterwards. 

Not when they dance together, not as a publicity stunt or a way to pick up girls, or even as a way of flirting, but just to dance.

But when they reach Tony's place and park the limo, GOB is the first one to kiss him, not even thinking. Tony kisses back like some secret part of him had been waiting all night. They go inside, still sneaking little touches, hands entwined or resting on each other's hips, back, neck. But they're also laughing - 

"And he said you're my best friend."

"Well yeah, I could have told the asshole _that._ " 

And Tony says okay, they can do this, but if GOB ever calls him Mrs. Robinson again he's leaving because seriously, no. GOB reminds him that he can't leave, it's his house, and somehow they've made it to the bedroom.

It's the best sex he's ever had, the kind he should have always been having. Because there's something bigger than sex, something he feels with his whole body, he just didn't believe in it until now. 

And friends are honest with each other, even when it's terrifying, so afterwards he says -

"Maybe this is creepy, or whatever, but I could spend the rest of my life like this."

He counts the seconds, one, two, three, four, before Tony answers: "Same."

GOB presses against Tony, hands on hands, hip flush against hip, and he isn't sure who he'll turn into now. But he's not afraid of knowing anymore.

As he drifts off, he thinks:

Tony Wonder is his.


End file.
